Im really ticked off today so here is your warning for swear words* If you don't like swear words and reading them might make your eyes burst into flames then don't read this blog post today.
This month has sucked. I am so freakin sick of Diabetes and all the bullshit that comes along with it. I have had nothing but issues with occlusion alarms on my pump and the stupid ass cannulas in my infusion sets. They keep getting kinked inside my body fat.
Why? Why why do they have to keep kinking. I am so freaking pissed that this keeps happening. I lose weight, get closer to my goal and then my body flips the f*ck out and now that I don't have enough fat they have to kink. Really? That's just f*cking wonderful.
I am wearing pretty much the only set I can tolerate and it has to stop working properly. I contacted Tandem to see if I can get some different ones to try and they told me I have to go through my rep, who lives 5 freaking hours away. They said they would let him know about my issues and see what he can do. I can contact him too but its just easier if they contact him since I have a ton of work to do.
But then what do I do if I try the other ones and I still hate them because they poke me nonstop. Im just stuck using the ones that keep kinking?
Then of course I am dealing with this foreign white shit in the stupid ass syringes from BD that no one seems to know what it is or why its there or if its ok to be in my insulin and that it wont cause occlusion alarms.
I am so sick of occlusion alarms.
I am so sick of Diabetes this month, sick of not being able to eat what everyone else is eating, sick of lettuce and salads and boring ass grilled chicken (I am exaggerating a little obviously). I want a pancreas that works and so that I can go on with the rest of my life without any bullshit hurtful comments from people around me and the food I eat or how much it must suck to have Diabetes.
Why yes it does suck to have Diabetes, thank you for that awesome little reminder so I can sit and stew about it a little bit more and how unfair life can be.
THEN there are the comments about my child. Are you worried she will get Diabetes? Well no not one bit, why would I be worried? OF course I am WORRIED you f*cking morons. Just like anyone else worries about their child getting any other disease that their parent or family member may have. I DON'T need you to REMIND me that I NEED TO BE WORRIED.
Diabetes is on my mind 24/7/365 because I LIVE with it, it never goes away, I NEVER stop thinking about it. Everyone with TYPE 1 DIABETES is thinking about it a big majority of the day, if they aren't then they are only fooling themselves and probably have terrible management of their disease. To HAVE good management of type 1 Diabetes you need to be thinking of it/managing it all the time. When you stop doing those things that's when your management goes to shit and you will end up with complications.
I probably look at my Dexcom 200 times a day. Do normal people wonder about their blood sugar 200 times a day. Do you know how many other things I could be using that time for? Like right now my stupid blood sugar is stuck and it wont come down. I am pissed about it. I am so pissed I think I am going to change out my reservoir and tubing because I am down to 27 units so what the hell, whats 27 units wasted, 25 or so units in my tubing and the 20-40 units the reservoir holds? Thats 100 units of insulin pretty much wasted and when you pay $75/mo for insulin it pisses you off.
Oh its only 75 dollars you say, oh that's nothing right? Yeah when you pay 75 for insulin, 35 for test strips, you have a 500 deductible, you pay 400/mo for your family's health insurance, one box of infusion sets and reservoirs is 100 for one month, your dexcom sensors are 150/mo and so every month you are paying $760.00 plus the 500 deductible every year per family member.
$760.00/mo for me to use the current technology I use and to stay alive and have health insurance.
I cant even grocery shop in a normal fashion. EVERYTHING has sugar added to it, trying to find the stuff without added sugar is like a needle in a freaking haystack. Buying healthier foods is much more expensive and it should NOT be. Why in the hell is it more expensive to eat food with less extra CRAP added to it? Makes no sense.
Thank you Type 1 Diabetes for costing me a damn fortune in so many ways.
Thank you for venting for me ! Having Type 1 does truly suck and is definitely a constant challenge that unfortunately, only like diabetics understand. You are so right in all of your comments. Life is a crazy trip that surely makes no sense. I keep trying to think about the bigger picture, little joys, hummingbirds, etc and also how much worse it all could be for me. But, you are correct, it is a constant battle. Take a breath, fight with me and move forward to whatever )))
ReplyDeleteI agree, life could be much much worse and I am so thankful that it is not. Yesterday was just a bad day and I had to get it out, I am just tired of all the crap I hear and get said to me about having Type 1 Diabetes. I'm tired of people feeling entitled to comment on my health and my weight and my food choices. No where else in life are these sort of things considered socially acceptable to comment on. I don't comment on the things that overweight people eat, I don't ask them if what they are eating is affecting their cholesterol or how they need to lose weight or they are worried their bad eating habits will be passed on to their children, I don't tell a way too skinny person that they need to eat more and that their weight loss is way out of control or if they are worried their eating habits will be passed on to their children. I don't ask a person with Cancer if they are having any Cancer related complications or if they are worried their child will get Cancer. There are ways to ask a person things in a kind way and there are things you just don't freakin comment on. I know I am not the only one who is victim to these comments. Some may say oh they are just worried about you or your health, ok I understand that but do it in a gentle way and after you have been on the other side of rude comments nonstop, it starts to really bother you. I am pretty sure that the next rude comment I get is going to get a rude response because I am just done, done being nice.
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