Diabetes Awareness Month

This year I have had type 1 diabetes for 21 years and that is more than half of my life. I was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes at 19 years old.  I try to be an advocate for every person living with type 1 Diabetes and to help stop the spread of misinformation and spread the correct information. I try to live with this wreched disease with as much positivity as I can and I feel like with age I have learned to do that much better, until a few days ago anyway.

This month my 5 year old daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes and it has hit me like a ton of bricks and the amount of guilt I feel is soul crushing. Type 1 Diabetes is like an invisible disease that no one understands or can begin to fathom the complexity of it.  My ability to be positive and upbeat is wavering. My battle with this disease is just as hard as everyone else's, it's never easy, it never stops and it's never the same and I never get a vacation from it.

I know her life will revolve around millions of finger pricks, thousands of injections, pump site changes eventually,  dexcom cgm changes, thousands of needles being poked into her body, billions of carbs counted, measured and weighed, an unfathomable number high and low blood sugars, many scary low blood sugars, many sleepless nights, many thousands of dollars spent on prescriptions, pump and dexcom supplies, a lot of tears, a ton of anger, a lot of people saying mean things about being diabetic, being made fun of, being harassed about wanting to have babies someday, lots of doctors who have no business managing type 1 diabetes and a mom and dad who will worry about her even more. I am completely unsure of how to adjust to being diabetic myself and having my beautiful little baby girl also live with this dammed disease.  Where is that cure they keep talking about? 

Today is world diabetes day but what the hell does it matter if we still don't have a cure, people still have no idea about the different types of diabetes and still say and spread very hurtful things about this disease that I and my daughter live with and even most health care providers don't have a damn clue about it either? 

Sorry, my positivity went right out the damn window last week and I don't know when or if I'll ever catch it again. Don't take me wrong, I am incredibly grateful she is ok, I don't need to hear it could be worse because I understand that, but I am allowed to be pissed off this disease still has NO cure. 

Just walking down the damn Christmas isle at Kroger today made me break down crying because all I could think of was counting those carbs and giving my 5 year old more shots and lots of them for all the candy in that damn isle.  Then all I could see and hear was her crying because she didn't want another shot and doesn't want to have diabetes or shots.  Making my little kid get shot after shot of insulin is killing me.  

World Diabetes Day. Whoopty freaking doo.  Enough awareness campaigns...let's have FIND THE CURE campaigns! 

#WorldDiabetesDay #WeNeedacure #dsma