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Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Three weeks ago today...

Three weeks ago today, my Grandmother passed away at age 83.  She was a large part of my life growing up and taught me many life lessons.  I learned from her that life can be hard and cruel but that you have to keep going on.  Her huband and my Grandpa passed away in 1987 and she continued to enjoy life for another 28 years.  Meeting many grandchildren and great grandchildren, including my Daughter.  My Grandfather also had type 1 Diabetes but he didn't get to take advantage of any of the tools we have today.  Not many people even checked their blood sugar back in 1987.  She helped keep him alive until he passed at an early age of 56 from heart disease complications partly brought on by Diabetes and smoking.  I didn't understand death back then and I spent many years angry that God took him from me.

My Grandmother had Alzheimer's, a cruel disease that robs you of your loved one and robs them of the last of their years on Earth.  If I could choose one disease to cure, it would be Alzheimer's without a doubt.

My Grandmother is in Heaven now with my Grandfather and they are sitting sharing memories and I know she has everything back that she lost the last few years.  I know she made it because I asked her to let me know and she has, on several occasions.  It makes me happy that they are together again and she is fully healed. 

I gave a Eulogy at my Grandma's funeral service.  It was one of the hardest things I have ever accomplished in my life but I felt driven to do it.  The whole thing came to me in a matter of minutes when I started writing.  I felt confident in what I wrote and I thought it would make her proud to hear me share those things with the people who came to say goodbye to her.

I got to talk to her the night before she passed, the first time I have ever gotten to speak what was on my heart before a loved one left the same ground I walk on. She passed the next morning much more quickly than expected and I was sure glad that I got to talk to her and tell her just how much I loved her and was proud to be her Granddaughter.

My point in all of this is don't live your life holding back your feelings. Tell your family and friends that you love them. My Grandma wasn't raised in a time when people talked about their feelings or how much they loved each other.  She showed her love in other ways but the last few years when I would give her a hug to say goodbye and say I loved her, she would say I love you too in return.  Sometimes she didn't want to let go and neither did I but I couldn't take her home to live with me because of Alzheimer's.

In the last 30 days my husband's step mom lost her Father, I lost my Grandmother and last October we lost our 13 year old boxer Levi and I just found out my cat Simba has kidney failure and maybe has 2 weeks left and we will probably have to put him to sleep before then because I don't want him to suffer.

You never know when you or your loved ones last day will be and their life might be taken away suddenly and without notice. I told everyone at my Grandma's services that I loved them all very much because I do and I don't say it often enough.

Living with Diabetes can be scary and it has the possibility to take your life.  People do die from low blood sugar and high blood sugar still today in 2015.  It happens, not as frequently as it did many years ago but you have to be vigilant in your care and don't get lazy and let it go by the way side. I wear an insulin pump every moment of every day.  It has the potential to kill me with a lethal dose of insulin but its the risk I have to take to live a more normal life with a Disease that does anything but let you feel like you ARE living a normal life.

Tell your loved ones that you LOVE them, let them know you care for them, think of them and are thankful for all the things they have done for you in your life.  I am thankful for each and every person in my life and the way they have helped me down the path of life.

Throughout life we experience many hardships, losing family, friends and pets.  They are each very difficult to get through and at times it feels like you might not get through the pain and heartache, but you do, you get through it day by day moment by moment.  With each passing of a loved one your life changes, your mind changes, your decisions about things may change also.  I have learned through the years that I need to live life happier, enjoy each moment and each little thing and that I do get a bit tougher because I have to not because I want to.  I have to be tougher because the longer I am alive the more people that I love so dearly will not be here forever and I will have to say goodbye many more times in the future.

So keep on kicking Diabetes' ass so you too can stay here to enjoy your life and your loved ones and you can be healthy and complication free while doing it. I am trying my hardest to keep winning the war against Diabetes and all the wonderful junk that comes along with it.  I keep trying to help others and say what I think and feel about it because so many people feel so alone in their battle with Diabetes.  Remember there are people that love you dearly and want you to keep fighting and if you need to be re-inspired to keep going just look for people in the Diabetes Online Community, join a facebook support group, speak up, let your voice be heard, yours is important too.

I am no writer and this might not be in the perfect form of writing or whatever but these are my thoughts and I hope you can follow what I am trying to say.

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