How do the holidays make you feel?

 

Since becoming a type 1 Diabetic 13 years ago the holidays have changed. 

The holidays are still filled with love, joy and family but they are not the same. A part of me really wishes I could enjoy all the wonderful food and treats like I use to. I would eat that stuff until I was ready to puke.  Now I am partly unable to do that because of Diabetes. If I ate all the junk I wanted to eat my blood sugar would be 600 because no matter what my insulin cannot keep up with all the carbs. Being 600 feels like death, you literally feel like you might die.

• Who wants to feel like they are dying? Raise your hand?!  

Can you guess the carbs in these?  Cookies are a nightmare to figure out, they can all be so very different.

 If you could figure out the carbs in the cookies you make for family gatherings, that would be awesome.  I would for sure give anyone in my family a GIANT hug if they told me the carbs.  I might get teary eyed actually.

 

 

Or how about this? It looks like a whole ton of really yummy food right?  This table looks like a bunch of mathematical equations to me.  It actually makes my head spin thinking about trying to figure it out and figure out if its worth the blood sugar battle to even eat it.

My blood is so full of glucose that it feels like thick syrup pumping through my veins, I can feel my heart beating harder, working harder, it feels like its working so hard it might get worn out.  It feels like you ran a mile but you are sitting at the table trying to fake a smile and act like everything is ok. Then someone asks the dreaded question, do you feel ok, whats your blood sugar! Ugh! Yeah MY blood sugar is crap right now because I ate the SAME junk you just did. Then you get the dreaded look like you arent managing your disease very well.  They have no idea how hard it is to turn down all that awesome holiday food. Then on top of it all you start to get a terrible gut ache and you hope and pray you dont throw up. Then you start rage bolusing insulin on your pump because now you are ticked off about your crap blood sugar. You know in a few hours you may crash and have to eat MORE food to bring your blood sugar back up.

So for the past few years I eat like a bird at holidays, or try my hardest. The death feeling isnt worth it, the looks and the questions aren't worth it.

Id like to see all my non diabetic family members try to eat like a diabetic on the holidays.  Talk about a will power battle in your head.

On the holidays more than any other time of the year I want a dang cure. Im happy to be alive to enjoy another holiday season but I wish I could enjoy it like I use to.

Diabetes forces me to eat healthier and choose less carb loaded foods. So I guess in part my Diabetes helps me stay thin because I know the moment I start eating junk my blood sugar will spike and then I start to gain weight. My weight is a constant battle, just like it is for anyone else on insulin. The more insulin I take the more weight I gain. I wish I didnt have to worry about my weight so much, but just eating all that wonderful food makes me gain weight twice as fast.  Then when I gain weight I take more insulin and then I gain more weight. Its a non stop battle.

We not only battle our blood sugar but we battle weight gain every stinking day. 

These battles are all such private battles, no one sees them from the outside, even though it is going on inside our head.

Diabetes is exhausting and no one knows what we go through.  People who get other more visible diseases get a lot more sympathy and empathy than Diabetics get. We are fighting a battle every single moment of every single day. 

Every single moment.

Every single day.

How often do you think about the food you are putting into your mouth and worry what it will do to your blood sugar, if are you are not diabetic, you never worry about these things.

If you have family members that are Diabetic and you want to help them out at a family potluck or gathering and you bring a prepared meal, you could shock the crap out of them and tell them how many total carbs are in the food you prepared.  It will help them sort of figure out the carbs in their serving.   Or you could use a sugar substitute in the food your prepare, but be sure you tell them that is it is not real sugar or we will take too much insulin. 

If the food you are making has flour in it you could tell us how many cups of flour.

If the food you are making has any type of sugar in it you could tell us how many cups of sugar.

All these things help us figure out the carbs and then figure out the insulin we need to cover those carbs.  

We CAN eat anything we want really, but the figuring of the carbs is where it gets tricky.