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Tuesday, October 29, 2013

What it feels like to be Diabetic

  • Doctor appointments
  • Lab tests
  • Poking my finger at least 10 times a day
  • People asking if poking my finger hurts
  • It hurts to poke my finger, DUH, its a needle poking my finger, poke yours once
  • Some days are great and some are just crap and there is no rhyme or reason to it
  • Knowing that some night this disease could kill me
  • Fear of dying from Diabetes and not seeing my baby grow up
  • Fear of dying from Diabetes and leaving my husband alone to raise our child
  • Fear of dying period
  • Being bombarded by things and people who think they know how to cure type 1
  • Medical bills on top of medical bills that will never stop, ever
  • Arguing with pharmacies to use my test stip discount card so I can actually save some money
  • Calling my insurance company all the time
  • Picking up prescriptions every month
  • Worry about future complications
  • Fear of future complications
  • Family members freaking out when you don't answer the phone
  • Family members worrying about me
  • Knowing my body isn't healthy and never will be
  • Knowing the cure for my disease hasn't happened in over 90 years and isn't coming soon
  • Doing things I know will cause my blood sugar to crash, then I have to eat SUGAR
  • Eating foods I know will cause my blood sugar to spike
  • Eating foods I know people will look at me all crazy like because they THINK I "cannot" eat that
  • Seeing the judgement of me on people's faces
  • Hearing the judgmental whispers from people
  • Knowing no one else gets it unless they have it
  • Feeling alone and secluded from normal people
  • Feeling like an outcast
  • Feeling like no one really cares you are Diabetic
  • I dont want to be Diabetic anymore
  • It's hard, its a never ending battle
  • Diabetes wears me out
  • Some days I just want to quit, throw in the damn towel and get a break
  • Never getting a break from Diabetes
  • I hate knowing my blood sugar is dropping and having a sleeping baby on me and not wanting to move and wake her up, but I have to or I could pass out
  • Knowing my Diabetes does limit me sometimes and sometimes I miss out on things because of it and others don't understand
  • I can't just jump in my car and go somewhere without planning everything out
  • I can't just do anything without making sure I have enough supplies
  • I hate that this disease limits me
  • I hate that going for a dang walk makes my blood sugar crash
  • I hate that doing anything fun or that I enjoy makes my blood sugar drop
  • I am sick of low blood sugar
  • I am sick of high blood sugar
  • I am sick of my blood sugar being on my mind 24/7
  • I am sick of trying to figure out how many carbs I am eating
  • I am sick of being sick
  • I am sick waiting for that ever so elusive cure
  • ☑ I just want to be normal 

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