I share a lot of my feelings and experiences with Diabetes here on my blog but there are things that I don't share as well. I don't share a lot of my fears about what the future will hold for me with Diabetes and the daily nitty gritty parts that just suck.
I mean I do somewhat but I don't dig deep into the fears that go across my mind while I am stuck with a high blood sugar or after I have drank my 10th juice box from a yard work induced state of low blood sugar/my brain is working at a snails pace and breathing seems like I have an elephant on my chest. I keep those feelings and fears to myself mostly because I don't want people to feel like they need to feel sad or worry about me because I'm Diabetic and I don't want people to think of only doom and gloom when they think of Type 1 Diabetes. I don't want to see the look of "gosh it must suck to be you" face, because I get that enough.
It does suck to have a pancreas that doesn't work but I have to work with the path that God has chosen for me to walk down and I am trying to do the best I can while living life to the fullest and using my experiences with Diabetes to try to help others with Diabetes.
I do get depressed and ticked off about this non-functioning pancreas but if all I did was complain about it and worry about complications nonstop then people would really start to lack the ability to show any compassion or understanding towards people with type 1. I don't want that, I want to help people understand it more, help stop spreading misinformation and stigma.
I do tend to internalize all these fears and worries and it can and does effect my mood at times. My stress levels go up and down depending on how hard my Diabetes is being to manage and if I am having a hard time finding a pump infusion set site that doesn't hurt like hell. You wouldn't think something as simple as it sounds, changing out your pump site, can and does hurt and sometimes hurts all day long non stop. It is like having a someone constantly stab you with a needle to remind you that your wearing an insulin pump because part of your body decided to quit working. It wears your patience level very thin and makes me dislike it just a tad bit more.
Some days I can be in a great mood and then other days I don't want to talk to anyone and snap at everyone. This is usually due to some sort of internal battle I having with my blood sugar/insulin pump because when it doesn't do what I want it to do I get really pissed off. Or it is because I was on the other end of some hurtful comment about having Diabetes. I can't tell you how many times I have changed out a pump site and every single spot I try hurts like hell. I end up with 20 bleeding holes on my body, I'm drenched in sweat and crying. (real pretty picture isn't it) Not to mention the little dot scars I have All. Over. The. Place. Those things work their way under my skin (no pun intended) because using this insulin pump is ruining my skin, I have scars everywhere on my sides and the sides of my butt even though I use Bio Oil to help them heal. I just have the type of skin that scars easily and is really tough to pierce, so pump change outs can be a nightmare to get the needle through. Sounds like a whole basket of fun doesn't it? You probably don't want to hear about that kind of stuff, it's gross to some people and way too personal. I don't want people coming up to me to ask about that bad day and then have to relive it all over again.
So even though I talk a lot about my life with Diabetes and so do many other bloggers, there are still parts of living with Diabetes that we don't talk about for whatever our personal reasons may be.
Reading about Diabetes online is one dimensional, life with Diabetes is three dimensional.
The topic for today's post is: Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the
world to see. What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose
to keep private from the internet? Or from your family and friends?
Why is it important to keep it to yourself? (This is not an attempt to
get you out of your comfort zone. There is no need to elaborate or
tell personal stories related to these aspects. Simply let us know what
kinds of stories we will never hear you tell, and why you won't tell
them.) (Thank you Scott E of Rolling in the D for this topic.)